You just made me feel so damn special
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
