Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
