I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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