I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
