woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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