I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have already put on my inside pants.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
