her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
