the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
