i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
