There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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