So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
