ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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