I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
