I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
