just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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