The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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