STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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