new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
