We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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