Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
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You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
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i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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