i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I fill condoms, not promises.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
