All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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