cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
