I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
