I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
