I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
