Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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