Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
