just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
