suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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