wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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