Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
