I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize