I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
