so that wasnt chicken after all
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
