Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
