ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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