cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
