I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
