Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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