Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
