Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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