well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
