she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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