i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
