So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
