your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
