My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
