There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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