Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
