There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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