So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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