I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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