There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
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She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
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Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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