He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
