Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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