You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
