Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
