allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
