I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
