shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
