you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
