You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
They have beer where we have blood.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
