Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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