I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
