listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
