to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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