Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
