Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
