she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
