I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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