I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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