I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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