IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
