Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
