i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
