its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
