Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize