thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
