Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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