Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The struggles of a small town man whore
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize