Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
