I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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