sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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