nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Princesses don't give blow jobs
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
