why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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