Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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