The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
