I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
