my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's shark week go big or go home
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
