it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
